Dove with Branch
Jan. 23, 2006 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk

I am changing to a new format for the newsletter so that we can include all four of the my weekly syndicated newspaper columns.

We will also publish weekly on Monday instead of twice a month so that we can match our newspaper column submission date.

I have added a new column entitled " Creating A Peaceful New World." I hope you enjoy it. I have also expanded the "tips" column to include one for each day of the week. I hope you will find them useful. Some of the material is a repeat from my last newsletter. I did this to match the newsletter to to newspaper columns. Sorry, it won't happen again.

Our offer of two free phone seminars when you subscribe to the this newsletter still continues. You must subscribe on the web site to get the free seminars. When you subscribe on the web site you will also receive my free e-book.

If you enjoy this newsletter feel free to pass it on to your friends. The Dean

Column 1 - Ask the Dean?
by Dean Van Leuven - The Dean of Peace   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I am a mother with a teenage daughter. When she wants to do something like go to the mall and when I say no she gets upset and argues with me about it. She won't take no for an answer. I end up getting angry and then we get into a shouting match. She is still doing well in school but I am worried that this will start affecting her attitude about school. Upset Mom. Seattle

Dear Upset Mom, You have not only allowed your daughter to use anger without consequences, you have joined in the process as well. This is not a good model for your child to learn. First, always listen fully to your child's request and ask for reasons. Second, always give the reasons for your reply. Third, the child must always know the consequences of not accepting your answer, and the consequences of displaying anger. These answers and reasons must be given in a loving way with explanations. Fourth, you must resolve your own anger issues. They are at the root of the problem. The Dean

Dear Dean, I have a supervisor at work that is mean and aggressive and has piled so much work on me that I am no longer able to carry on a civil conversation with him. D.B., Oakland

Dear D.B., This is of course a very complex question and you must look at many additional aspects to determine your answer. But let's look at some of the things you need to consider given what you have said. The fact that you can't talk to your boss is your problem not his. If you are going to keep this job you must learn how to stay in a positive relationship with your boss. Your boss is the way he is, it will be helpful if you can find ways to shift him to a more positive outlook on your relationship, but don't count on it. Meeting his needs as best you can in a positive manner will usually go a long way. Not talking to him is not positive and usually adds to the problem by creating negative feelings and a lack of information you need to do your work. Start by looking for the reasons you feel fearful or angry about the relationship, or start looking for a way to find a new work experience. The Dean

Send your Ask the Dean Questions to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437 or visit Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, teacher and author of numerous books about anger.

Column 2 - Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
by Dean Van Leuven - the Dean of Peace   Globe Magnify Glass

I read an article in the newspaper some time ago relating to the appointment of the United States next Ambassador to the United Nations. The point that caught my attention was the argument that we had to have a tough advocate and shouldn't criticize him for his blunt and berating style. The comment was made that, "if being tough and aggressive and abrasive were a problem," then a lot of members of the U.S. Senate wouldn't qualify.

It is disappointing that this attitude exists in our leaders. We do not create peace by being tough and abrasive. Those kinds of attitudes are guaranteed to create discord. This issue is at the very heart of why we do not now experience world peace. If our ambassador is negative and tough in dealing with the other world leaders what kind of solutions will we be getting? They will be forced decisions representing the will of those with the most power and will not necessarily be in the best interest of the people. Even if they are in the interest of the people they will not seem peaceful when they are imposed on them against their will.

The problem starts with us. Let's search for positive loving outlooks as a significant part of our choice when electing our representatives.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of many books on anger. Contact him on the web at

Column 3 - Creating a Peaceful New World
by Dean Van Leuven - the Dean of Peace   World Peace

Most of our problems, our difficulties, our mental pain, and our self-defeating behaviors stem from not focusing first on the only thing over which we have absolute control - ourselves. We must get our own life in order before we can assist others who need and seek our help.

We all have the free will to do as we please. It is senseless to be concerned about what others do or think unless it is interfering with someone else's right of self-determination. If your spouse wants to grow flowers and leave weeds where they sprout, and you prefer neat rows of alternate colored vegetables, then that is how you ought to arrange your separate gardens. If we do our own thing, by our own methods, we will be so busy being and living that we won't have any time left over to criticize our neighbors.

Liking or not liking the activities and life styles of others will only upset us and ruin our relationships. Moreover we must get our own life in order before we can help others in changing the world for the better. If we would all remember this, most of our unhappiness would be eliminated.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at:

Column 4 - Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
by Dean Van Leuven - the Dean of Peace   Left Arrow

Monday: Pain is a signal that something is wrong. This applies to emotional as well as physical pain. Until we quit putting up with it and do something to eliminate the cause of our pain we will continue to suffer.

Tuesday: Learn to embrace change. You can make it better by letting go of old attachments so that you can pursue more desirable goals.

Wednesday: The moment you feel disturbed take the time to find out why you are feeling that way. You can't get over being disturbed until you find out what is disturbing you. Look behind the obvious reason.

Thursday: Sarcasm isn't humor. It is based in anger and will illicit an angry response from others. In the last analysis we want to get along with other people. No use complicating the problem.

Friday: Humor is a good way to divert your attention from a stressful situation so that you can better deal with it. We can not be both angry and humorous at the same time. Which one would you rather be?

Saturday: Recognize that stress is caused by your own conflicting beliefs. We are stressed only when we are unsure of what we want to do or are doing something we don't think we want to do.

Sunday: Expressing your feelings does not mean acting out your anger. It is appropriate to let someone know just what you think. You can however do this in a positive and non-threatening way.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of A Peaceful New World and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at:

Additional Notes
I hope you like our new format.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any or all of my regular columns please pass the information on to him or send me his e-mail address and I will be happy to start sending them to him.

Rember if you want the free e-book and phone seminars you must sign up at the web site.

I welcome you suggestions or comments and any questions you may have for the Ask The Dean? Column.



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