Dove with Branch
March 20, 2006 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk

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Ask the Dean?
  Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My problem is that my supervisor doesn't seem to like me. He is unfriendly and refuses to be helpful even when I need directions in my work. I have not been in America very long. I think he does not like foreigners. I try my best and keep a positive attitude. What more can I do to get him to be more helpful and friendly to me. - D.S.

Dear D.S., The lesson you have learned about how you should view your work is a wonderful one, treasure it. The most you can do to change how your boss treats you is to always be positive, loving, helpful and encouraging in your relationship with him. You can learn to view your supervisor's behavior as his own personal problem and not upsetting to you. You are the target of his bad behavior. You are free to choose to not be upset or hurt by his actions. Accept yourself as being a good person and you can reject his beliefs about you as his problem and not your own. You can choose a positive solution, anywhere from feeling care and empathy for him to finding a new job. However, if you choose to find a new job you have only postponed the real problem. That is because you will still be upset by this kind of behavior when it happens again somewhere else. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I found out many years later that my wife had an affair before we were married. This upsets me so much when I think about the fact that she did such a thing. I'm not even able to make love with her any more. Should I leave her, or is there some way for me to be able to accept what she did? - Unable to Forgive.

Dear Unable to Forgive, What happened is what happened. You did not even indicate that she lied about it. You have created a problem for yourself just because of your own beliefs. You need to change your belief about this or terminate the relationship. Ask yourself if you had done such a thing would you want her to forgive you. Being unable to forgive makes life miserable for you. Choose: do you want the misery or do you want to forgive and enjoy your wife for what she is today? You can learn forgiveness or get a new wife, the choice is yours. If you don't learn forgiveness the chances are you will be faced with a similar problem again someday. - the Dean

Send your Ask the Dean Questions to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We are a country that was founded on the idea of free spirit and free enterprise. We were willing to take chances and when they didn't work out right we would try again; or we would try something else. We would often build products that weren't fully tested and would be defective.

Because of this attitude we found that many times people were hurt by poor workmanship or false promises. We found a need to protect our society from these abuses and created many protective laws, most notably in consumer protection. We have become so immersed in this protective concept that we make it very difficult for new ideas and new products to be developed. When they are it is at a much greater cost. We pass by so many options in life because, "we can't afford the insurance."

It would benefit us greatly if we could find a way to offer more support and encouragement to those who wish to develop new products and concepts for our society. All too often their fear of the consequences at the first unanticipated mistake holds them back. We don't always benefit by stifling creativity just for the sake of safety. Nor do we always benefit by resisting change just for the sake of stability.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Satisfying and positive relationships result from our mutual caring about and assisting each other, not from obligation. While others have no obligation to meet our needs they often find that they have benefit from doing so. When we help others, we often get much more in return. Being of service to others will provide much happiness. It will also remove many of the potential anger-producing situations from our life.

Too often we end up manipulating others to do things our way without even realizing it. This creates anger because it is not what they want to do and they therefore resist us. And this resistance will cause us both to be angry. Learn not to impose your own expectations on others. Be your own person and honor the right of others to be their own person. When we learn not to expect from others, we end up being happier and more fulfilled. If you think the world or some other person owes you something then you set yourself up for anger when the things that you think should happen don't.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Other peoples' expectations are different than mine. It is natural for people to have different opinions.

Tuesday: I am true to my own beliefs. I honor the other person for being true to their beliefs.

Wednesday: Everyone has a right to their own truth. They do not need to believe a certain way just because most other people do.

Thursday: When I trust that others are speaking their truth. then it is possible to create a positive relationship. When I don't, it's not.

Friday: When I trust others then they are more apt to trust me. We can build a trusting relationship only by trusting.

Saturday: Except for the laws of our society I have no right to require that anyone act in a certain way, just as they have no right to require that from me.

Sunday: What I expect out of life is exactly what I get out of life. Life is good only when I think it is.

Additional Notes

The Phone Seminar this week is: Working with the Peace Boards. Through my website we provide a peace clearing house where those who are working together to create peace in the world have a place to exchange information with each other. This phone seminar is free for those who wish to learn how to use the Peace Boards.

We have added a new feature to our phone seminars. To make them more accessible you can schedule them at your convenience for any day Monday through Thursday after 5:30 PM Pacific Time by calling 800-359-6015 or e-mailing at least 24 hours in advance to arrange a scheduled time.

Reminder: You can subscribe to the newsletter and get two free phone seminars.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them, or send me their e-mail address or telephone number and I will be happy to start sending them the information.

If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission which will be cheerfully granted.

Remember: if you want the free e-book and phone seminars you must subscribe to this newsletter at the website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to


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Dean Of Peace | | | Eugene | OR | 97401