Dove with Branch
July 24, 2006 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Hello! - Dean Van Leuven

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, Frequently when I am purchasing items in local stores the clerk will answer phone calls and wait on the caller while I have to wait. It seems to me that if I go all the way to the store, I should be taken care of before someone who simply calls from home. Besides that I am also making a purchase. – Irritated Shopper

Dear Irritated Shopper,Your point seems reasonable. The store however may be looking at it from the point of view that they already have your business, and will lose the caller’s business unless they address it now. Or, they may just have a habit of responding to the phone when it rings instead of putting the caller on hold if need be. You have options. You could: 1. Express your desire to be waited on. 2. Talk to the manager. 3. Go elsewhere. 4. Call from home yourself. If you see it as a problem, then search for a solution and don’t waste your time and energy getting angry. Stores are going to do what they think is best for them and your response is a part of the equation. - the Dean

Dear Dean, My wife has informed me that if I don’t quit shouting at her when she does something wrong that she will leave me. When people make mistakes I get angry, and I can’t help telling them how I feel and what they should do. Do you have any suggestions? – Barry in Portland

Dear Barry, You can stop getting angry, and telling others what you think! The way you respond is just a belief and a habit you have. Your belief is not serving you well. If you want to keep the relationship, you need to learn to respond differently. Get some help. Read my book and do the work, or see a counselor. - the Dean

Send your Ask the Dean Questions to: P.O. Box 535, Elmira, OR 97437, or visit to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We often have a very definite opinion about what is right and what is wrong and exactly how others should act. When others don’t do it the way we think is right, we get angry and think they should be punished.

Take the law shielding confidential information for reporters, for example. We can make a very good argument why their information should be protected; and we can also make a very good argument for why it should not. Society needs to consider those arguments carefully, and develop a rule that will best serve in this situation – one that considers both points of view and is in line with our underlying social principles.

Instead of just deciding what we think is right and then fighting to make that the law, we would be better served spending our energy looking for solutions that will be best for our society as a whole. When we have differences of opinion and want to live in peace with each other, we need to respect the others point of view and search for common ground. My way or the highway is not the best answer if we want to live at peace with each other.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Any time we set up specific expectations, or requirements for what must happen, or what we expect others to do in order to have happiness in our lives, we set ourselves up for anger and frustration. We are all unique individuals, and other people are not trained to, nor do they expect to meet, our every need. They are much more concerned with their own needs than they are with ours. Don’t expect others to have known, or done what you would have wanted them to. Don’t get stuck in the “they should have ----” trap.

Satisfying and positive relationships result from our mutual caring about and assisting each other, not from obligation. While others have no obligation to meet our needs, they often find they will benefit from doing so. When we help others we often get much more in return. Being of service to others will produce much happiness. It will also remove many of the potential anger- producing situations from our life.

Too often we end up manipulating others to do things our way without even realizing it. This creates anger because it’s not what they want to do, and they will therefore resist us. And this resistance will cause us both to be angry.

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: I think about the things that I expect others to do for me.

Tuesday: I think about the things I expect of others that upset me when they do not do them.

Wednesday: I think about the things I expect from others that upset them.

Thursday: I think about how I respond when others do not meet my expectations.

Friday: Today I release the expectations I have for others.

Saturday: I do not ask others to do anything for me that I do not want to do.

Sunday: I appreciate and rejoice in the things that others do for me because they want to.

Additional Notes

My Phone Seminar for this week is: Learning to Pay Attention

Learn how to quit judging people and events. Learn how to pay attention and solve problems without getting hung up with whether you like what is going on or not.

You can schedule a phone seminar for the days offered. You can schedule them at your convenience for any day Monday through Thursday between 5:30 PM and 7:30 PM Pacific Time by calling 800-359-6015 or e-mailing at least 24 hours in advance to arrange a scheduled time.

The price is $15.00 for a one hour seminar. If you subscribe to my free newsletter “Insights from the Dean of Peace” you are entitled to two free phone seminars to use at your convenience.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number and I will be happy to send them the information.

If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number and I will be happy to send them the information.

Remember if you want the free e- book and phone seminars you must subscribe to this newsletter at the website.

I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to


Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
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Dean Of Peace | P.O. Box 535 | Elmira | OR | 97437