Dove with Branch
July 18, 2011 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk

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Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, I have always been very attentive to my children's needs. We provide them with the things that most other kids have. We always attend their events. They don't show any appreciation for all that we do. When they want something, they won't take no for an answer. They even scream at us and call us dreadful names. Why is this happening to us? - Jeanna in CA

Dear Jeanna, Because you let it happen! You are your child's teacher. They have learned how they can and should act from the lessons that you have taught them. They act the way they do because that kind of behavior works for them. If you want them to be different you must teach them new lessons. It will be more difficult now because they must unlearn the old lessons. It is important for your children to learn to make choices that are in their own long term interest, rather than whatever works at the moment. They need to learn new strategies for dealing with life. And they need to learn them from you. - the Dean

Dear Dean, I provide my daughter with the latest fashions. She sets the trends for the other kids. The problem is that she doesn't seem to appreciate what I do for her. She doesn't keep her clothes clean and will be careless in play and sometimes ruins them. How can I get her to respect what I do for her? - Nikki in CA

Dear Nikki, The first question you should ask yourself is, "who are you doing this for?" You want your daughter to be a certain way and set an example that she may not care to be. Supporting her to do her thing is helpful but pushing her to do your thing can cause a lot of problems for both of you. I suggest you talk with her and find out what she wants to do and be. Support her in what she wants. We have learned that molding a child to our wishes is not always good for the child. Give her a chance to become her own person - and love her for it. - the Dean

I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit to submit by e-mail.

Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

Most of us think that many of the things that are being done in our society are wrong, and if they were done differently our life would be better. We think other people are stupid, greedy, thoughtless and uncaring among other things. Most likely they are thinking the very same way we are much of the time. The other side of the coin is that if there are abuses in our society there are people who feel they benefit from those abuses and wish to maintain the status quo. If those who hold positions of power in our government benefit from their positions they are not the ones motivated by the desire to change.

If we want to be the ones in power so we can have things our way, then things will end up the same; only reversed. This is the way it works in our political system now. As soon as those in power have abused the system enough the ones not in power gain support, and it then becomes their turn to do the same in their own special way.

Until we as a society gain the understanding, integrity, and compassion to look for ways of being and doing that consider the needs and viewpoints of everyone, our system will continue to work as it does now. When we are ready to care about others as much as we care about ourselves and our own families, we will continue to do politics in this way. When we become concerned about the viewpoints and needs of everyone equally, we will create a society that is loving and nurturing for all people.

Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

There is a more effective way to deal with negative situations in your life. Regardless of the circumstances you come up against, the individuals you must deal with, the aggravating situations you find yourself in, you can learn to choose a response other than anger. Just because we have learned to react with anger in the past does not mean we must use it in the future.

When you no longer react with anger, what will happen? You will be able to think clearly. You will be able to respond effectively; with the best possible responses that your rational mind can create, in each situation that you face. You will no longer feel depressed, because you will be living life in a way that makes you feel good about yourself. You will be free to fully enjoy your life. You will face each new day with an eager anticipation of what is to come.

Joy, happiness, contentment, and peace with the world and those around you; these positive states of mind are what await you, once you leave anger behind. But getting to such an emotional state is not an easy journey. Is it worth it? For those who have made such a journey, the answer is a resounding, OH YES!!

Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: I think about the problems anger has created for me..

Tuesday: I think about how I feel upset when I am angry.

Wednesday: I think about how I feel depressed when I get angry.

Thursday: I think about how I feel when I am happy.

Friday: I think about how much more effective I am when I am not angry.

Saturday: I think about how much better I feel when I am not angry.

Sunday: I resolve to no longer get angry.

Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at:

Additional Notes

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I will be conducting workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops will provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."

I have taken on the task of supporting the teaching of emotional skills training in the educational system with the trust and hope, that many in your community will be able to share in the vision of this great work, and join us in this amazing project. We are promoting a "Sponsor a School" program to raise awareness and support throughout the U.S. & Canada If you have any interest in the program and/or having a workshop in your area. Contact me for additional information.

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