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Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2014 08:59:52 -0500 (EST)
From: "Dr. Dean Van Leuven" <drdean@centurylink.net>
Reply-To: "Dr. Dean Van Leuven" <drdean@centuryLink.net>
To: inbox@jurgensis.com
Subject: Inner Peace Newsletter  1-06,2014
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Dove with Branch
January 06, 2014 Insights From the Dean of Peace
Notes from the Dean's Desk
Dear Peacemaker,


This weekly newsletter is available free by subscription. All copies are available on my website.


If you enjoy this newsletter and know someone who you think may enjoy it as well, please feel free to share it with them.

Ask the Dean?
Dean Van Leuven   Global Struggle

Dear Dean, My husband left me for a neighbor's wife. I have filed for divorce and am trying to put my life back together. Since that time my husband says that he has come to his senses and made a great mistake in leaving me and the children. I don't hate him, and the children want him back, but I don't want to go through the pain of this ever again. Should I consider taking him back so that our children have a father in the home again? - Traci in CO


Dear Traci, You can consider it, but it's not a step I would take easily. If you simply take him back without getting to the root of the problem there is a good chance that the behavior might be repeated. Make it clear to him that the problem that resulted in this behavior must be corrected. Start by having him go to counseling for at least three months. After that the two of you go to couples counseling until you and the counselor agree that you are ready to experience a loving, trusting relationship. Don't take the risk of getting together until you come to this point. Learn to communicate honestly and trust each other before you resume the relationship. If you resume the relationship make regular status checks and resolve problems as they arise. - the Dean


Dear Dean, I feel that it is important what kind of clothing we wear when we are working in an office and representing our family. If the clothing we are wearing does not properly represent our self and our family then we should change to something appropriate. We wear certain clothes for a reason. You should pay attention to what is appropriate to wear and select accordingly. - Linda in NJ


Dear Linda, That is all true. You are the decider of what you wear. You are even free to defer to the wishes of others. If for whatever reason you choose to wear something then you may. You may want to maintain a certain appearance or social status then that is fine, but if you want to do otherwise then you are free to do so. Different choices create different results. We should be aware and make the best choice for ourselves. What others think should be a part of our consideration, but not necessarily the deciding factor. - the Dean


I welcome questions and/or comments from our readers. Send your Ask the Dean questions or comments to: 90022 Sheffler Rd., Elmira, OR 97437, or visit www.DeanOfPeace.com. to submit by e-mail.


Law, Politics & Society ... As I see them
  Globe Magnify Glass

We often have a very definite opinion about what is right and what is wrong and exactly how others should act. When others don't do it the way we think is right, we get angry and think they should be punished.


Take the law shielding confidential information for reporters, for example. We can make a very good argument why their information should be protected; and we can also make a very good argument for why it should not. Society needs to consider those arguments carefully, and develop a rule that will best serve in this situation - one that considers both points of view and is in line with our underlying social principles.


Instead of just deciding what we think is right and then fighting to make that the law, we would be better served spending our energy looking for solutions that will be best for our society as a whole. When we have differences of opinion and want to live in peace with each other, we need to respect the other's point of view and search for common ground. When I read letters to the editor, blogs, and tweets about the political news I am amazed at how much disrespect is displayed for people with opposing points of view. My way or the highway is not the best answer if we want to live at peace with each other.


Creating a Peaceful New World
  World Peace

Challenge the shoulds, oughts, musts and have-tos in your life. If you feel that you have to do something that you really don't want to do, you are sure to get angry. If you think it is really the right thing to do, then just accept it and do it. If you think it might not be what you want to do, then think it through clearly, make a choice and accept your choice. If you are still troubled by this problem, or by your decision then realize that you have conflicting beliefs.


You would not feel stressed by your choice of how to deal with an event if you were totally in agreement with your own decision. Take feeling stressed as a signal that you have to look at your belief system in order to either eliminate some belief, or to align it somehow with your other existing beliefs. We have all been from time to time, the victim of our own conflicting belief system. Don't let this kind of event pass by any more. Do the work to align your beliefs. Until you do, you will continue to be stressed when similar events occur.


It is self-defeating not to like the action you have chosen. This is the time to remember that you, and only you, are in control of your life. Once you make a choice, work to make it the right choice. If you find that it is not the right choice, then change to a new and better choice. Feeling that we are trapped and must do what we don't want makes life difficult.


Tips for Peaceful and Joyful Living
  Left Arrow

Monday: Think about the things you feel you must do even though you don't want to do them.


Tuesday: Choose a new way to respond or to accept your present response as the correct one.


Wednesday: Think about the things you feel you should do even though you don't want to do them.


Thursday: Choose a new way to respond or to accept you present response as the correct one.


Friday: Think about the things that you must do each day that upset you.


Saturday: Choose a new way to respond or to accept you present response as the correct one.


Sunday: Resolve that any time you feel stressed, to make a new choice that is perfectly right for you.


Dean Van Leuven is a psychologist, conducts workshops and is the author of Life Without Anger and many other books dealing with quality of life issues. Contact him on the web at: www.DeanOfPeace.com

Additional Notes

The World Emotional Literacy League in conjunction with World Without Anger and Lumbini Buddhist University has taken on the task of introducing emotional literacy training in the educational system of Nepal nationwide. In support of that program I conduct workshops throughout the United States and Canada. These workshops provide an introduction to the emotional skills training program as well as an introduction to establishing emotional skills training programs in your local area. The program and my workshops are based on my textbook "Emotional Intelligence - Taking Control of Your Life."


If you are a charitable or religious organization and would like to reprint any of my articles please contact me for permission, which will be cheerfully granted.


If you know someone who might be interested in using any, or all of my regular newspaper columns please pass this information on to them. Or send me their e-mail address, or telephone number, and I will be happy to send them the information.


Past issues of this newsletter are archived on my website.


I welcome your suggestion or comments. If you have a question that you would like addressed in the Ask the Dean? column feel free to send them to drdean@lifewithoutanger.com

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Contact Information

phone: 800-359-6015 fax:541-935-9361
web: lifewithoutanger.com
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